“Susie.” I heard my name being called from a distance. “Susie, baby come no closer, I’m here, you have to trust me.” I was in a meadow on a hill, walking toward the blinding sunlight, “Jake?” I say finally recognizing the voice “Jake? Is that you? Really you?”I squinted against the light and saw a human figure in front of the light. It was a man. It was Jake. I tried running to him, but I tripped “No!” he yelled then got calm again “No, Susie, no Susie baby, don’t come, I’m here,” I looked up I saw his face but it was an illusion I knew it. He was see through “Jake…” I say tears quickly filling my eyes “No, baby, no, don’t cry, I’m here.” That’s when he came, he wrapped his arms around me “I got you, baby, shh, it’s okay, I got you.” I buried my face in his shirt, the same one he wore when he died “I love you.” I whispered in between sobs. Then he squeezed me “I love you too, baby,” then I felt him pull away “I have to go now.” I whimpered “No, please don’t.” he had a sad look “I know, I know, I don’t want to leave, but I have to. I’m always with you baby, always.” He kissed my forehead. It came out like a static shock. Then he was gone, I stood up and tried running to the light again. I didn’t hear his voice this time “Jake!” I screamed over and over again. No answer. “Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!!!!!!!!!”
I woke up with a start, sweaty and tangled in the sheets. I heard a movement, my voice cracked, signaling tears “Jake?” No, of course it wasn’t him. What am I thinking? I cried then I cried. I felt so alone, so cold. So there I was, a week and a half after my boyfriend, Jake Bourne’s, devastating death that left me in shattered into twenty million and one pieces. Alone. So alone.
I don’t understand, you see, I have...had…a friend…he was the jock-y, positive kind of guy. Until one day (May 17th,2010) he “died” of lung cancer…I met the guy online and we had been talking for over half a year…he never mentioned anything about lung cancer…he was also the type of guy who was very against lying. So when he "died", I broke down into tears. Except…how could he have? Lung cancer isn’t something that happens over night and you die the next week of!! He had made a video on youtube 3 weeks ago of him playing his guitar, he looked fine; healthy and had hair...my friend tells me that doesn’t say anything because her grandmother has lung cancer and she has hair and seems healthy.
I have a hard time believing he died though. He said he was in St. John’s Mercy hospital in MO. My mother called the hospital, apparently they had no patient by his name. it didn’t make any sense…why would someone fake their death?? I knew he was going through a tough time at home…but to fake his death? To lie? That just wasn’t like him and I didn’t want to believe it! Mom says I was played…but I couldn’t believe it…either way..whether I was played…or he really did die…I was hurt…very badly…and if anyone thinks that I’m just going to let it go without finding out what really happened…they guessed wrong.
My friend and I have been searching all over the internet hoping to find something..but we found nothing…possibly an article from his school about a 15-year old violence incident…it explains why he has 180 days of out of school suspension…it’s a loooooong story….and we also found an abduction report from 1994 also by him…which he had already told me about….its like this boy never existed! I want to find out what happened! I want answers!! NOW!
HE’S NOT DEAD! HE’S GOING THROUGH A LOT AND JUST WANTED TO BE ALONE! THAT’S MY EXCUSE AND I KNOW I’M RIGHT! I WILL NOT BELIEVE OTHERWISE!!
(readers may not understand this clearly but i was angry and needed to get my anger out...SORRY!)
