Well last night Jeremy reactivated his account. And he walked back into my life this morning. I was talking to him. And honestly I don’t think he has any sense of remorse for what he did. Lying and faking his death he came back expecting a welcome and forgiveness just like that. Now he knows, however, that that is not going to happen. I want to forgive him but I can’t. Not so soon and not so easily. On the other hand my friend Aya has been talking to him for a while and forgives him then there is my friend Alison who I don’t think even cares. And Tay and Sonii are my fav at this point. They constantly trashed him and yelled and bitched. All on my behalf. Such good friends : )
Though when I spoke to him he clamed up and was acting like a self centered jerk. I don’t know why he expects so much of us. He left us for almost 2 months suffering and expects a good welcome. He has to think again but things will never be the way it was. Even if we forgive him we all know will never be the close bunch ever, ever again. It’s sad to admit but it’s the truth. I was at loss of words when he came back. I saw his picture and thought ‘No way, I’m seeing thing, I have to be, but no he has been there since last night. And it drove me crazy.
I wonder how he slept at night. If he even cared about us. But I thought about the old him and thought there was no way he had no feelings he cared and now he’s coming back to fix what he did wrong the only thing he didn’t think about was how hard it’s going to be. He told me his story, its rough but I didn’t feel bad because what he put us though,. . . me personally was much worse. There is no healing that wound. Not completely anyway. . .
We’ll see what happens. But the way things are now…it’s going to be a long repair.
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